Back to Waiting

Ashley
Jun 13, 2017
4 min read

It's been four weeks today...four weeks since we lost Stormy. It's been three weeks today...three weeks since we lost our referral. This has been the LONGEST month of our lives. And to make matters even worse, today we found out we lost another potential referral (albeit it was in the very early stages). We were told last Monday that a baby girl was born June 3, and that she was a potential US referral. Her birth mom had already even told Baby Life that she wanted to meet us. But then we heard from Kelsey today. The birth mom decided to keep her and raise her. Once again, we are thrilled that the birth mom is going to raise her daughter, but at the risk of sounding selfish, we are a little disappointed. This is the fourth time we have almost had our little one. It is not uncommon for this to happen, but it is uncommon for it to happen to the same family this many times (from what we have heard from others) and had never happened after the referral (as it did the last time). So it is safe to say that Mondays are our least favorite day of the week right now...

So once again, we are back to waiting. We knew this adoption path was going to be difficult. Just like pregnancy and delivery, there are struggles involved with bringing home a little one; anytime you add a baby to the family there will be hard times and beautiful moments. But man, we are starting to wear down. We have tried to stay strong throughout the last year, and I think overall we have done well. We smile when it's expected and we stay positive. We have had our moments though...there have been times when the tears have flowed freely and the stress has been almost too much. The stress of Stormy's illness and subsequent passing, along with the stress of losing the referral and other ones that were close have taken their toll on both Vince and myself. It has also been a roller coaster ride for our family and even our close friends; they are on this journey with us, and I know they feel similar emotions. But we are committed to staying faithful and resolved in the fact that everything happens for a reason. Our little one will come to us when the time is right; the one that is meant to be our child will be ours. We truly believe those words, but those words are easy to say and sometimes hard to feel.

One thing this whole experience has taught us is patience. Vince and I will both freely admit to being very impatient people, so I don't know, maybe this is meant to teach us to become more patient. Either way, we will continue to wait with as much patience as we can muster, we will keep ourselves busy, and we will do our best to enjoy the rest of our summer break.

Speaking of keeping ourselves busy, we will be spending the day tomorrow with my brother and family for his birthday, I'll be spending time with two of my best girlfriends on Wednesday to celebrate one of their birthdays from last week, we will be spending the day with my grandma on Friday, and then holding photography mini sessions for a fundraiser this Saturday. The mini sessions are for donations to help us make some money to put toward our adoption costs, and the props will be super cute! :) So if you are local and would like some fun summer photos, let us know and we will sign you up for a time slot!

We also have a new little member we have added to the family. Was it too soon? Maybe. At the risk of sounding weak, we miss Stormy so much that some days the pain takes my breath away. Some nights I lay in bed and picture all the good memories from the last ten years and all the bad of his final days. I allow myself to cry, and I do cry nearly every single day and/or night. But the emptiness of this house has been almost unbearable. We were not necessarily looking yet, but we stumbled across a little Sheltie girl who needed a home, so of course we adopted her. She in no way could ever replace Stormy, and that was not our intention, but she has helped fill the void. Stormy is still very much a major presence in our lives and will remain that way; we have pictures and a painting in the living room and bedroom, a painted treat jar with his face and name on it in the kitchen, his ashes in the den for now (soon to be moved to our bedroom), his collar in my car on the mirror, and his picture as my screensaver on my phone. I feel him everywhere, but Sadie has helped me learn to smile again in the few days she has been here. We think Stormy would want us to give another little one a home, especially one who needed one...she has a slight underbite and cannot be bred or shown in confirmation. But that's okay with us...nobody is perfect, and we love her just the way she is. I know some think we are crazy for bringing home a puppy right now, especially after just losing our boy, but Sadie is home and is now a part of our family. We are hoping she will be a best friend for our future little one just as Stormy was to me...now to just bring home our little one...

Until next time...thank you for all the love, thoughts, and prayers being sent our way. I promise you we feel it all.